What If?

 You’re not stuck, you’re scared. 

So many people say they feel stuck. And believe it. 

Stuck in a loveless marriage. Stuck in a dead-end job. Stuck in the monotony of a routine that is perpetually on loop Every. Single. Day. 

But are you stuck in that marriage? Or are you afraid of the alternative? 

For years I felt stuck, but deep down I knew it was fear. I was miserable in my marriage but the thought of starting over, on my own, terrified me. I believed that being unhappy in a familiar environment was better than facing the fear of “what if”. 

What if I regret leaving?

What if no one else will ever love me?

What if I’m not okay financially?

What if his family stops speaking to me?

What if our friends become his friends?

In the end, the biggest WHAT IF I had to answer was, What if I waste one more day being unhappy when there could be a whole new, amazing life out there waiting for me? 

Just the possibility of this scared me more than the unknown. 

Are you really stuck in a dead-end job? Or are you afraid of trying something new and potentially not being great at it?

It’s natural to be scared of starting something new. The job you’re miserable in is familiar, consistent, and pays the bills. 

What if you end up not liking the new job, either?

What if you make less money?

What if your new boss is a jerk?

What if your colleagues are years younger than you?

What if you get sick before your new benefits kick in?

But WHAT IF there’s a career out there with more meaning, more purpose, and is ten times more fulfilling? It’s a risky game to miss out on greatness simply because you’d rather be comfortable [and miserable]. 

Are you stuck in your routine? Or are you scared of putting yourself out there and meeting new people and trying new things? 

What if no one wants to be my friend?

What if I suck at pickleball? 

What if my partner doesn’t support my new hobbies?

What if I look like an idiot in yoga class?

What if I’m too old to get involved in something new? 

But WHAT IF you figure out what you’re truly passionate about and it makes you a happier, healthier, better version of yourself at home and at work? Are you willing to risk all of that because of fear?

Fear is a healthy way for our bodies and brains to assess a situation and determine whether or not we’re in danger. Fear of the unknown isn’t actually logical because we’re fearing something that doesn’t yet exist. We’re fearing a “possibility”, not a probability. 

Digging a little deeper and understanding what’s beneath the “stuck” is the first step in overcoming it. Just below the stuck is the fear, and below the fear is a long list of short stories we’re telling ourselves. 

If we process through all the stories and categorize them into two columns,

1) Fact, and

2) Made up,

then it becomes easier to quash the fear and find practical solutions. 

Fix the marriage or leave it. 

Apply for the promotion or find a new job.

Take up swimming, or running, or pickleball, or pottery. 

You have options. 

You are not stuck. 

In a world where we have enough to be fearful of, let’s not add the burden of fearing things that don’t exist.