Trauma, Healing, and Boredom

I spent my entire life wishing and hoping for calm and peace. I was perpetually in fight or flight mode, from early childhood all the way through to my late 30s. 

As a child I dealt with neglect, abuse, and food insecurity. So when I entered adulthood, I seemed to gravitate towards toxic relationships because they seemed familiar to me. I was in this never ending loop of bad decisions that, of course, all seemed like good decisions at the time. 

One day, after an insane amount of internal work, therapy, and healing, I found myself in a state of calm. I was in a relationship that was healthy and safe, free of toxicity and [psychological] danger. But I was in uncharted territory, and to be quite honest, I felt terrible. 

I was anxious, unsettled, irritable, and lost. So confusing! My entire life I searched for peace and calm and just knew happiness would follow suit. 

I started to believe something was truly wrong with me. How could I feel anything but gratitude and happiness now that I finally got what I’d always wanted?

I assessed all areas of my life to see if something would trigger the unsettled feelings, thinking if I could pinpoint it then I could make a minor change and finally move past it. Career, friendships, family, extended family, homelife, and so on. Nothing. 

At some point I started following a holistic psychologist and author named Dr. Nicole LePera. She goes by @the.holistic.psychologist on Instagram. At some point I realized I actually had one of her books [unread] on my shelf, which had come highly recommended from a good friend. 

Her posts are mind-blowing and on point. One day something she posted stopped me in my tracks. 

When leaving trauma cycles, expect to be bored. That’s a good sign. You’re leaving the cycle of emotion addiction:

When we’re used to cycles of chronic stress, drama, and overwhelm, we get stuck in fight or flight. Cortisol and adrenaline are a constant in the body.

We subconsciously seek this environment to feel alive or “like ourselves”.

When we start healing, we’re aware of how we spend our time and who we spend it with. No longer subjecting ourselves to situations that consistently trigger fight or flight. 

When the body is coming out of chronic nervous system dysregulation, there is a transition phase. No longer getting constant spikes of cortisol we might feel bored, restless, or irritated.

Boredom is healthy. It does take some getting used to. You’ll be surprised at how much you subconsciously feel a pull towards emotional activation. 

Use your down time to get outside. To do things that feel comforting and enriching (like cooking, hiking, a new hobby). We have not evolved to be in cycles of chronic stress that never end.

It will be unfamiliar, at first. Soon, it will feel like peace.  

This! ⬆️

Sometimes what we truly need is a clear, concise explanation for what we’re going through. From there we can recognize it when it’s being triggered and move through it more easily. The aftermath of trauma is a strange place to be if it’s all you’ve ever known.

I’m happy to report that I was able to work through that transition period and can now embrace boredom as an opportunity for creativity and growth (or an afternoon of Netflix). Boredom doesn’t have to mean you need to make dramatic changes to your life. 

By digging deep enough we can figure out whether or not we’re simply experiencing trauma aftermath. Staying curious and showing ourselves some grace will go a long way. 

Quote source: taken directly from an Instagram post by Dr. Nicole LePera.