Loneliness

I distinctly remember a time when I felt overwhelmingly lonely.

And I wasn’t alone. In fact, I was married. 

Learning about narcissism helped me understand why, but I didn’t learn about the topic until the day AFTER I left. No joke. 

A friend sent me an article and it blew my mind.  

All the silent treatments. All the shame. Always the victim. Always centre stage.

The loneliest I’ve ever felt was when I wasn’t alone.

And [beautifully] the least lonely I’ve ever felt was when I was by myself, journaling on a beach in Bali. 

Every day of the year can be tough for someone experiencing loneliness.

But Valentine’s Day… oooof. 

The overwhelming ads and social posts can leave anyone feeling some sort of way, but especially people who are already experiencing loneliness. 

You can feel isolated and disconnected in a relationship. Hoping and wishing this is the year your partner shows you attention and love. Like it was in the beginning.

You can feel lonely and sad as a single person, imagining how “perfect” the day is for all the coupled-ups. The card aisle jammed with smiling shoppers picking out the “perfect” Hallmark. 

Loneliness is such an epidemic that the Surgeon General calls it a health crisis. It’s up there with smoking and obesity. 

“People began to tell me they felt isolated, invisible, and insignificant. Even when they couldn’t put their finger on the word “lonely,” time and time again, people of all ages and socioeconomic backgrounds, from every corner of the country, would tell me, “I have to shoulder all of life’s burdens by myself,” or “if I disappear tomorrow, no one will even notice.” 

It was a lightbulb moment for me: social disconnection was far more common than I had realized… In recent years, about one-in-two adults in America reported experiencing loneliness. And that was before the COVID-19 pandemic cut off so many of us from friends, loved ones, and support systems, exacerbating loneliness and isolation. 

Loneliness is far more than just a bad feeling—it harms both individual and societal health. It is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death. The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and even greater than that associated with obesity and physical inactivity. 

And the harmful consequences of a society that lacks social connection can be felt in our schools, workplaces, and civic organizations, where performance, productivity, and engagement are diminished.” -Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, Surgeon General of the United States. 

Luckily, now there are more resources than ever before. More awareness. More conversations. More tools to combat this epidemic.

The misconception is that we have to have a huge circle of friends, or perfect romantic relationships, or a jam-packed social calendar in order to feel less lonely. 

The reality is that you can do so many little things and progressively feel better and better. 

Smiling and saying hi to strangers out on the trail. 

Striking up small talk with the cashier at the grocery store (who also may be feeling the effects of loneliness). 

Joining a walking or hiking group. 

Volunteering to sit and keep company with people in retirement communities, nursing homes, or in hospice care.

Walking a dog from the SPCA, or getting your own little fur family member. (Dog parks and trails are great places to strike up conversation with new people.) 

Here’s the truth: Whatever you’re feeling, I promise you’re not the only one feeling it. And doesn’t just knowing that feel a little less isolating?? 😃

You can feel lonely in a room full of people, and you can feel completely comfortable and content in a room by yourself. 

The thing about loneliness is that it’s mostly about belonging. 

So if you’re feeling lonely in your relationship, then maybe you don’t belong there. That’s not a bad thing, it means there’s somewhere else you’re meant to be. That can be scary but it can be amazing!

If you’re feeling lonely in your friend circle, maybe you’ve outgrown them and it’s time to make some hard decisions that could leave you feeling liberated and available for new friendships. 

And maybe your sense of belonging needs to come from within you. Don’t be afraid to listen to the quiet, nagging voice deep down that’s whispering necessary directions. 

Your own inner Google Maps trying to steer you towards something greater. Someplace where you will finally feel the sense of belonging you’ve been looking for. 

Drown out the noise of social media and Valentine’s Day and anything else that’s preventing you from listening to what you truly need. 

You don’t have to be lonely. And you deserve to live your best life.